Four differences between "loving someone" and being "in love" with someone.
- Loving someone is a choice while being "in love" isn't
- Wanting them to do well vs wanting what is best for them.
- Being "in love" is emotionally charged while loving someone isn't.
- Being "in love" can be fleeting while loving someone is more permanent.
This is the month of February and love is at it's highest efferverscence. At this time of the year every little thing, be it on social media or even in our streets, remind us of LOVE. Almost everyone is gift hunting trying to find that perfect Valentine's day gift which will just leave their partner in aww and more in love than ever. But what exactly is love?
According to scientists, Love is the emotion induced when oxytocin is released in the brain. This emotion is what gives us a warm and fuzzy feeling of affection, romance, trust and bonding. They also hold the view that this feeling usually reaches its highest heights after sex. Some foods like chocolate and wine help boost oxytocin.
But then again is being in love with someone the same as loving someone? Here are some quick heads up on how to make the difference.
1) Loving someone is a choice while being "in love" isn't.
Choosing to love someome basically is seeing the best in them. Their best attributes(both physical and moral), qualities and choosing to be a supportive and loving partner for them. It could be how safe being with this person is for you and the stability he/she brings to your life. Being in love on the other hand isn't a choice. You do not know the "how" nor the "why" it happens but you just love them. It is spontaneous, effortless , harzardous and you can't walk away from it as you'll only carry the feeling with you.
2) Wanting them to do well vs Wanting what is best for them.
It is normal to want the best for someone you love as you might actually be prepared to make the necessary sacrifices to achieve that. Even if you are no longer in a relationship with that person, you still want what is best for them. But when two people are in love they put each other's needs first as their happiness is linked. This could be supporting each other financially or otherwise so you both achieve your goals in life, as a couple!
3) Being "in love" is emotionally charged while loving someone isn't.
When you’re in love with someone, you feel this almost inexplicable strong and uncontrollable desire for that person. Marriage and family therapist Kathy McCoy, Ph.D. tells us "The excitement and wonder of early love, of mutual discovery, of delighting in fantasies, and anticipating sharing so much in the years ahead is a memorable phase in a couple’s life together,". Whilst when you love someone ( this could be a parent, friend, child, lover), your feelings are strong and deeply rooted. They are not heightened by passion or infatuation. "After the fantasies and illusions begin to fall away, it’s possible that what comes into focus is something much better: a realistic, sustainable love," McCoy says.
4) Being "in love" can be fleeting while loving someone is more permanent.
Thee intense feelings, passion, infatuation of being in love could fade away with time. As time passes, the excitement and novelty of a new flame can begin to wear out leaving place to reality. A reality you might not have prepared yourself for. Consequently being in love with somebody now doesn't guarantee you being in love with them after the masks of glamorous illusions are being shredded. Loving someone on the other hand is more deeply rooted in reality for you love them for what they are or what you see them to be. This sets the path for a more lasting source of comfort, trust and safety.
