Can we Share this Blame Together?

By Emmanuel Ngwa
2 Minutes
  Photo by Valentin Antonucci on Unsplash<br>
  Photo by Valentin Antonucci on Unsplash

I walk like my limbs don’t really belong to me anymore. Each step I take is a negotiation rather than an order. Everything hurts now. Every single thing. My heart now bleeds. Not of blood, but tears, the ones on the skin of my heart which the eyes miss yet love renders visible.

I am lonely but I still have me. The truth is, unless you connect to your true self (the real you), you cannot connect to anyone else. So, though I might look lonely, I’m still me. I know I promised not to leave without saying goodbye. Yet, I did just that.

The dawn came with a musical silence, my soul hearing the melody my ears could not. A new day had come, one that would let me see you again. But it seemed that day didn’t come because you weren’t there. It didn’t hurt that I was leaving. What hurt was that I was leaving without saying goodbye. Like a thief in the night, I had sneaked out of the grassland town.

I had broken my promise to you and surely, GOD was going to punish me for defaulting. Someday at least. Ever since, I’ve prayed and hoped that I didn’t break your heart like I broke my promise.

Heart-to-heart, I can feel the disappointment in your heartbeat. Maybe it’s not disappointment. Maybe it’s rage. Maybe it’s delirium.

But these days, I don’t know how to feel. Should I be sad, angry, excited??? It’s hard to feel these days. It’s like my heart isn’t there anymore. Like it’s escaped from my being.

Who can I blame for the broken promises I made? Perhaps, what to blame? Yet, on this day, I’ve realized it was never your fault. Neither was it mine. In the end, I have just one request; “can we share the blame together?”

The bravest thing we will ever do is to share the blame together. In that way, no one’s to blame, for what is tearing us apart cannot be a part of us, but something to be healed in the gentle ways of our kind. Sharing is healing…